As I write this, my dad’s in the living room watching Daredevil and I’m wondering what happened to Jennifer Garner’s career. (Answer: Ben Affleck)
So it got me thinking. What Superhero movies do I actually like? Can I even come up with five? Not really. But I do like me some Batman movies.
Now, I know nothing about the comics; literally all I know are the Tim Burton movies, the series from the ‘60s, and the Christopher Nolan reboot. So, if you happen to be a Batman aficionado, I apologize and you will hate my list. Except for number one. Everyone will probably agree with number one.
Note: There is a dearth of Batman Begins on this list. The reason is simple: I don’t like it. When I first saw it, my friend turned to me after it was over and said, “You do realize that wasn’t a comedy, right?” I can’t help it. I can’t take Christian Bale’s Batman voice seriously. I get the whole covering up the sound of your actual voice thing, but it’s so cheesy. And the worst part is, unlike the series from the 1960’s, the cheese is unintentional. Yell at me all you want, but my opinion still stands: Christian Bale has a terrible Batman voice.
#5: Batman & Robin
You might think that this is a joke. That I actually enjoy Batman & Robin, especially over Batman Begins. But, you know what, I do.
Come on. It’s hilarious. First off, let’s talk about Arnold Schwarzenegger for a minute. “What killed the dinosaurs? The ice age!” and “Allow me to break the ice. My name is Freeze. Learn it well. For it's the chilling sound of your doom.” And of course “Tonight's forecast... a freeze is coming!” Add in Arnold’s voice and it’s just comedy gold.
This is even funnier.
#4: Batman (1989)
Michael Keaton is by far my favorite portrayal of Batman. And I liked Vicky Vale and all, but the winner is Jack Nicholson. Could they have found a better Joker at the time? (Note: We all know what number one is going to be and why, but bare with me here on the whole Joker front.) Like, seriously, I don’t think they had to do the prosthetics.
#3: Batman (1966)
Two words: Shark repellant. Two more words: Adam West. One word: Camp!
Need I really say more?
#2: Batman Returns
My whole scale for rating these movies seems to have a lot to do with the villains. I mean, you need a villain in order to have a hero, right? In this case, it’s Catwoman. I’ve always liked her. She’s my favorite superhero villain pretty much ever. (Well, no, maybe Mystic is my favorite… but that’s another list for another day.)
This one is a little short today, so I’ve added some videos to peak your interest!
#5:Vinny Vedecci
“Ayyyyyyyy!!!!!”
Maybe it’s the Italian in me, but I absolutely love Vinny Vedecci.It took me a while to realize that Bill Hader isn’t actually speaking Italian, but the cadence and the attitude is spot on, so it’s easy to not know.
The best part is when Vinny starts yelling at the crew members, who are sitting at a table eating spaghetti, and then get into this big argument.Lots of “ayyyyyyyy!!!!” being tossed around.
#4:Opera Man
“Opera Man, Bye-Byeeeeeeeeeee!!!”
This will forever be my favorite Adam Sandler character.He cracked me up every time; in fact, anytime I would watch SNL, I would hope that Opera Man would come on during Weekend Update.
#3:Church Lady
“Well, isn’t that special?”
Church Lady has some of the best catchphrases of any character.I bet everyone who’s watched SNL in the past twenty or so years can name a few of the lines:“Could it be… SATAN?”
The recent Church Lady skit from when Dana Carvey last hosted was perfection.The Kardashians, Snookie, Justin Bieber.Church Lady still gots it.
#2:Sean Connery
“I’ll take the rapists for $400.”
My number one favorite sketch ever is Celebrity Jeopardy and my number one favorite character from that sketch is Sean Connery.Darrell Hammond is amazing.The writers are fantastic.I mean, come on, isn’t this how you would picture Sean Connery if he were on the real Jeopardy?Antagonistic.Hilarious.Diabolical.
#1:Stefon
“New York’s hottest club is…”
Bill Hader is on my list twice for one simple reason:he’s brilliant.Stefon is amazing.Bill Hader never, ever finishes a Weekend Update segment as Stefon without breaking.When someone as talented as Bill Hader breaks, you know it must be funny.
Constructing this list was an interesting experience. It actually didn’t turn out how I thought it would at all, but it is a good representation of me and my musical path through life. A few classics. Some pop-y stuff. A strange—for me—indie song.
A lot of people are going to hate my some of my picks. I understand that. I never said I had what can be described universally as “good” taste in music. I just like what I like because I like how it makes me feel. And sometimes there’s just a memory involved, and that memory is why I like that song.
I can’t talk about why I like certain songs in a highly intelligent way. I can just tell you how they make me feel. That’s what music is to me. A feeling.
So here is my Top 5 Best Side One/Track One list. And I don’t apologize for a single thing on it.
#5: "I Am Trying To Break Your Heart" by Wilco off Yankee Hotel Foxtrot
The first time I saw Wilco, I knew nothing about them. I think I may have listened to them once or twice, but other than that, they were a clean chalkboard for me. They’re now one of my favorite bands.
Now, here’s something important to note: I don’t like experimental music. I don’t like random noises mixed in with my music. I hate when lyrics don’t make any sense. I don’t want to read into music; I just want to experience it.
But I love Wilco.
I know I don’t make sense.
I am an American aquarium drinker
I assassin down the avenue
I'm hiding out in the big city blinking
What was I thinking when I let go of you?
This song makes me want to lie on my bed and stare at my ceiling and let my mind wander. Half the time I don’t even know what Jeff Tweedy is saying, but I just tap my foot, play drums with my fingers, and nod my head back and forth.
It’s a cloudy Sunday with nothing to do.
I want to hold you in the Bible-black predawn
You're quite a quiet, domino, bury me now
Take off your band-aid 'cause I don't believe in touchdowns
What was I thinking when we said hello?
If you must know what I think this song is about, for me, it’s about knowing the relationship is going to fail, but you dive into it anyway. And it slowly deteriorates around you, until there’s nothing left to do but end it.
# 4: “No Such Thing” by John Mayer off Room For Squares
Why? 'Cause fuck you, that’s why.
True story: At my high school, seniors graduated a month before school ended for the summer. The building itself was basically a giant square with the library in the very middle and classrooms and offices of either side of the hall. Seniors were done. Finals were over. So, there was one last thing to do: sign out of high school. We all showed up at the cafeteria, we signed out of high school, and then we ran around the halls of the high school, banging on doors, screaming. It’s a tradition.
I wanna run through the halls of my high school
I wanna scream at the
Top of my lungs
I just found out there's no such thing as the real world
just a lie you've got to rise above
That’s the number one reason I love this song. My life, for one moment, was a song.
Now, I saw John Mayer once. I don’t think I would do it again, unless he starts playing much smaller venues, because arenas are not worth the price of admission. However, I still think he is one of the most underrated guitarists and I also think that the John Mayer Trio needs to happen again, because he is meant to be like his idol Stevie Ray Vaughn. That’s when he’s truly at his best.
#3: “Help!” by The Beatles off Help!
I’m currently going through a quarter life crisis. Actually, that’s been going on for a while now. So I understand this song now more than ever. “Help!” has always been my favorite Beatles song, which I now find amusing, since the lyrics seem to correlate with my current situation in life.
When I was younger, so much younger than today,
I never needed anybody's help in any way.
But now these days are gone, I'm not so self assured,
Now I find I've changed my mind and opened up the doors.
I should have been in my early twenties back in the sixties. My soul wants to fight for something, but my brain can’t think of anything worth fighting for anymore. I also want to sit in a small, smoky basement club and listen to songs like this.
And now my life has changed in oh so many ways,
My independence seems to vanish in the haze.
But every now and then I feel so insecure…
I also have a perverse fondness for songs that are happy sounding, but have depressing lyrics. I love the contrast.
#2: “Stuck Between Stations” by The Hold Steady off Boys and Girls in America
I didn’t want to include this song, because I didn’t want to copy Matt’s article. But, in the end, I had to include it because I am obsessed with this song. (I won’t tell you what song I originally had in this place, but I will say that when I realized that I had nothing to say about that song and everything to say about this one, I knew I would make a mistake by using that one.)
There are nights when I think Sal Paradise was right.
Boys and Girls in America have such a sad time together.
Sucking off each other at the demonstrations
Making sure their makeup’s straight
Crushing one another with colossal expectations.
Dependent, undisciplined, and sleeping late.
I want to include every lyric of this song here. There’s something about these lyrics that I love.
She said, "You're pretty good with words, but words won't save your life."
What I like best about this song is that it tells a story, but it’s written like a rock anthem.
He said, "I surrounded myself with doctors and deep thinkers
But big heads with soft bodies make for lousy lovers."
There’s a moment that throws back to classic rock songs. There’s suddenly a piano solo that builds to the next lyric: “We drink and we dry up and now we crumble into dust” (right?). Then a head banging guitar solo, then “We get wet and we corrode and now we’re covered up in rust” (right?), and back to the solo. And your arms are in the air and you’re a part of something magical.
I was only gonna post a video for the number one song, but I can’t help it:
#1: “Baba O’Riley” by The Who off Who’s Next
The indie kid in me needs to make something perfectly clear: I have loved this song and all song by The Who since WAY before any CSI show aired. I loved Tommy when I was too young to actually understand what the songs were talking about. (I think I once told my mom I wanted to perform Acid Queen for a school talent contest. When I was in elementary school. Needless to say, my mom said no.)
I don't need to fight
To prove I'm right
I don't need to be forgiven.
I think I first started appreciating this song when The Who performed it on the concert for New York City after 9/11. I don’t normally like synthesizers, but the moment the piano and bass kick in (a resounding “BUHH!! DAH-BUHH!!” when I sing it alone in the car), I find myself wanting to get in a fight. In a good way.
Then Roger Daltrey starts singing and you just want to pump your arm with him, because, fuck you all, he has the best rock and roll voice ever. I don’t care who else you bring up. No one is better than him. I will never, ever back down on that one.
Its only teenage wasteland
They're all wasted!
Plus, come on, there’s a wicked violin solo. And, yes, in concert, Daltrey plays harmonica, but either way, this song is awesome.
This is one of those few songs that are not really about the lyrics for me. This is all about the bass. This is all about the power cords. This, my friends, is an anthem!
