Top 5 Tuesday: I'm Batman

As I write this, my dad’s in the living room watching Daredevil and I’m wondering what happened to Jennifer Garner’s career.  (Answer:  Ben Affleck)

So it got me thinking.  What Superhero movies do I actually like?  Can I even come up with five?  Not really.  But I do like me some Batman movies.

 Now, I know nothing about the comics; literally all I know are the Tim Burton movies, the series from the ‘60s, and the Christopher Nolan reboot.  So, if you happen to be a Batman aficionado, I apologize and you will hate my list.  Except for number one.  Everyone will probably agree with number one.

Note:  There is a dearth of Batman Begins on this list.  The reason is simple:  I don’t like it.  When I first saw it, my friend turned to me after it was over and said, “You do realize that wasn’t a comedy, right?”  I can’t help it.  I can’t take Christian Bale’s Batman voice seriously.  I get the whole covering up the sound of your actual voice thing, but it’s so cheesy.  And the worst part is, unlike the series from the 1960’s, the cheese is unintentional.  Yell at me all you want, but my opinion still stands:  Christian Bale has a terrible Batman voice.

#5:  Batman & Robin

You might think that this is a joke.  That I actually enjoy Batman & Robin, especially over Batman Begins.  But, you know what, I do.

Come on.  It’s hilarious.  First off, let’s talk about Arnold Schwarzenegger for a minute.  “What killed the dinosaurs?  The ice age!” and “Allow me to break the ice.  My name is Freeze.  Learn it well.  For it's the chilling sound of your doom.” And of course “Tonight's forecast... a freeze is coming!”  Add in Arnold’s voice and it’s just comedy gold.

This is even funnier.

#4:  Batman (1989)

Michael Keaton is by far my favorite portrayal of Batman.  And I liked Vicky Vale and all, but the winner is Jack Nicholson.  Could they have found a better Joker at the time?  (Note:  We all know what number one is going to be and why, but bare with me here on the whole Joker front.)  Like, seriously, I don’t think they had to do the prosthetics.

#3:  Batman (1966)

Two words:  Shark repellant.  Two more words:  Adam West.  One word:  Camp!

Need I really say more?

 

 

#2:  Batman Returns

My whole scale for rating these movies seems to have a lot to do with the villains.  I mean, you need a villain in order to have a hero, right?  In this case, it’s Catwoman.  I’ve always liked her.  She’s my favorite superhero villain pretty much ever.  (Well, no, maybe Mystic is my favorite… but that’s another list for another day.)

And, come on, Christopher Walken!

A little off topic:  So, there’s this webcomic I read called Shortpacked! that features Batman a lot.  It’s where the title of this post comes from (you’ll have to check it out to understand what I am saying.).  Anyway, talking about this movie made me think of this comic:

Click on the picture to see it full sized.

#1:  The Dark Knight

This one is so obvious that I don’t even feel the need to talk about it.  So I’m not going to, because I think it speaks for itself.

Note:  If for some reason you haven't seen it and you don't know what the pencil trick is, it will probably be a little disturbing.

Canned Broccoli Would Be My Kryptonite

I hate broccoli.  The smell.  The texture.  The taste.  Cooked broccoli, mind you; I’m ok when it’s raw, but the moment it gets near a pot of boiling water, I run for the hills.  It’s one of those things that starts in childhood and you never really get over sitting for hours, forcing cold, disgusting food down your throat because your parents make you.  Because “it’s good for you.”

Now, answer me this, what is “good for you?”  Because if something has unappetizing as broccoli is good for you, I want no part of it.

Whoever decided boiling vegetables would be a good idea should be slapped.  I can’t think of any vegetables that taste good once they’ve been boiled.  Well, maybe corn.  Is corn a vegetable?  Anyway, we tend to boil the taste out of veggies.

The only thing worse than boiling a vegetable is canning it.  In this day and age, there is no point to canning anything (except tuna and corned beef hash).  If something can’t stay fresh, the freeze it.  There’s plenty of refrigeration around.  I mean, come on, take green beans:  a fresh green bean vs. a canned green bean.  There’s no competition to that’s better tasting (and better for you).  And don’t even get me started on canned peas.  Blech.

I did not intend to write about the foods I hate today.  I love food.  I love cooking.  I love going to restaurants.  I love trying new things.  But there are just some things that should not be done.  And canning vegetables is one of them.

The other is serving me broccoli.

Top 5 Tuesday: Best SNL Characters

This one is a little short today, so I’ve added some videos to peak your interest!

#5:  Vinny Vedecci

“Ayyyyyyyy!!!!!”

Maybe it’s the Italian in me, but I absolutely love Vinny Vedecci.  It took me a while to realize that Bill Hader isn’t actually speaking Italian, but the cadence and the attitude is spot on, so it’s easy to not know.

The best part is when Vinny starts yelling at the crew members, who are sitting at a table eating spaghetti, and then get into this big argument.  Lots of “ayyyyyyyy!!!!” being tossed around.

#4:  Opera Man

“Opera Man, Bye-Byeeeeeeeeeee!!!”

This will forever be my favorite Adam Sandler character.  He cracked me up every time; in fact, anytime I would watch SNL, I would hope that Opera Man would come on during Weekend Update.

#3:  Church Lady

“Well, isn’t that special?”

Church Lady has some of the best catchphrases of any character.  I bet everyone who’s watched SNL in the past twenty or so years can name a few of the lines:  “Could it be… SATAN?”

The recent Church Lady skit from when Dana Carvey last hosted was perfection.  The Kardashians, Snookie, Justin Bieber.  Church Lady still gots it.

#2:  Sean Connery

“I’ll take the rapists for $400.”

My number one favorite sketch ever is Celebrity Jeopardy and my number one favorite character from that sketch is Sean Connery.  Darrell Hammond is amazing.  The writers are fantastic.  I mean, come on, isn’t this how you would picture Sean Connery if he were on the real Jeopardy?  Antagonistic.  Hilarious.  Diabolical.

#1:  Stefon

“New York’s hottest club is…”

Bill Hader is on my list twice for one simple reason:  he’s brilliant.  Stefon is amazing.  Bill Hader never, ever finishes a Weekend Update segment as Stefon without breaking.  When someone as talented as Bill Hader breaks, you know it must be funny.

Watch it.  Love it.